he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
