I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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