my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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