Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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