Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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