Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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