MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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