Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
