there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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