it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
