Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
