Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
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