I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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