You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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