I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
