Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
