My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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