k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
