i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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