I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
