I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
