you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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