Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
