She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
