i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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