at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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