I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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