In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
