i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
