Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
