beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
