Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
