everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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