she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
