this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
