Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
