i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
