i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
