So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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