I CAN MOONWALK!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
