dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
