I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
