She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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