just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
