I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
