I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The power of my boobs compel you
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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