legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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