I swear she didn't look like that last week.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
