and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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