this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
