Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
