Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
