i permit you to call me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
