i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
